Generations of people, through war, poverty, depression, loss, illness have been forced to deny and ignore their emotional experience. Emotion was seen as weakness, women and children were emotional, they were excluded from management roles in Government, Religion and other systems, controlled, manipulated and silence.
I told the check-out lady that I had queried the number of points on my Rewards Card and a staff member had taken down my contact details and assured me someone would phone me, but I complained, no one ever phoned.
Briskly, she scanned my Rewards Card, pressed a button on her machine and told me I had $1.31 which I could use to buy Easter eggs.
What, I can still use my points, I was told they rolled over on the 28th March and I would lose them all.
The check-out woman said, no it’s the 4th, I think and asked a colleague.
This whole system doesn’t work anyway, staff don’t know how it works, it’s ridiculous. I was querying my points balance, I insisted, you can’t buy Easter Eggs with $1.31, I thought I had more points.
Well, she insisted, you haven’t spent much money. She looked me boldly in the eye.
I was wondering if this woman owned the store, she was so adamant of her authority.
The check-out woman had processed my shopping by now and I tapped my credit card.
I’ll have to do a bag check, she demanded. (I have never been asked before)
I raised my eye-brows as I slid open my hand-bag and put my shopping items inside. I looked her in the eye.
I won’t be back, I announced
Good she said, don’t come back and don’t talk to me like that.
This is an example of an emotional blow-up.
Both parties speaking to each other at cross-purposes.
I assumed the check-out woman would be empathic to my query, I have a right to ask questions, when I am wondering or confused.
The check-out woman was never going to defer my query to another staff or manager. Why she took this stance is beyond my understanding.
My emotions were aroused to anger and frustration as the check-out woman refused to take my query seriously and just ignored me, essentially.
The check-out woman became emotional and angry, blaming me as the cause of the problem.
The Check-out woman should have taken my details, as the first check-out person had done days before, and referred my query to a higher staff, who could have looked back over my purchasing history to confirm the total number of points as of a couple of days before Easter.
I would have liked the opportunity to talk to a manager about the ineffective mature of their Rewards System and the fact that every staff member has a different story every time you ask. Yes, I could have demanded this, but I didn’t.
‘Name it to tame it’, says Dan Siegel in USA. This is the basis of managing our emotional experiences, so I went the park with my dogs and walked and processed. Thinking back over the conversation and my emotional shifts and changes, recognizing when I got angry/frustrated and why. In this way, I was able to let go of this emotionally challenging engagement and move on with my day, rather than spending all day mulling over the woman’s inappropriate use of authority and her rudeness.